The Gottman method is the only research based therapy for couples at this time. Its findings and techniques are based on scientific evidence about what makes some relationships work while others fail. Unfortunately, many couples therapies are not successful and leave patients disappointed and frustrated. The Gottman method has shown to be the most successful therapy for couples to this date.
Some of Gottman’s highlights include:
• A good relationship will not only bring you overall happiness but will also keep you physically healthy.
• Often couples therapists teach communication skills (e.g. active listening). These techniques are not sufficient to produce change and are too difficult to use when a conflict escalates.
• It is possible to have a good relationship despite having some personality problems.
• The styles of conflict (avoidance, confrontation, processing and compromising) need to be similar for both partners for the relationship to work.
• A strong friendship is one of the key components of a happy relationship.
• Couples should not only do conflict resolution but also understand intellectually and emotionally what is causing the conflict.
• Arguments are expected and normal and not predictors of a future breakup. It is the way couples argue that may determine the future of the relationship.
• The Gottman’s method argues that there are seven principles to make a relationship work:
1) Invest the time and effort to know and understand more about each other’s lives, dreams, worries, etc.
2) Increase your admiration and respect for your partner
3) Do your best to connect in little ways to your partner everyday (e.g. call to see how his/her appointment with the doctor went).
4) Allow your significant other to influence you. Be willing to accept his or her viewpoint and compromise.
5) Take action and solve easy to moderately difficult to solve problems with your partner (e.g. avoid harsh startups, complain about his/her behavior and not his/her personality, do repair attempts, accept your partner’s limitations).
6) Address and overcome gridlocked problems. Work on identifying and understanding each other’s deeper needs that may not be satisfied in the relationship and therefore interfere with solving or accepting perpetual differences.
7) Create a shared identity, rituals and values as well as define your roles within the relationship.
I will be looking forward to your call. Let me help you to create an emotionally intelligent relationship that brings you happiness, stability and fun to your life.